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Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Soccer Mom Rant


I'm going to rant right now.

I just watched the tail end of a new show on the TLC channel. It's called "Secret Life of a Soccer Mom" I'll give you the basic premise.
They take a stay at home mom and tell her family she is going to a spa for a week. They then allow her to live out her career dreams that she gave up to be a full time mom. At the end of the week, their is a wonderful reunion with her familyand she reveals what she has really been doing the whole week. Then she is given the choice to continue being a full time mom or take a a "once-in-a-life-time" job offer of her dreams.
This concept sickens me. I'm not saying that women should not be fulfilled and happy. My problem is with society. This show is attempting to belittle the role that a mother plays in a family by glamorizing the dual life of a working mother. Why is being a mom not enough for so many women? Because society is waging a war on the family and they know that the only way to break up a family is by attacking the mother. Why not make her feel like a second class citizen because she is "up her chin in vomit ans spit up" (and I quote) every day. Why not make her think that she will benefit the world more by designing dresses that will only be worn once by over glorified celebrities at an award show then by being there for her children to teach them to love and care for the world around them.
Yes, being a full time mother is hard. There are times when I wish I had a lunch break, or weekend break, or a bathroom break for that matter. However the rewards from being a full time mother are so much more that any other job in the world could provide. The joy I feel on a daily basis can only be found while I am fulfilling my calling as a mother.
I don't normally get this heated over many issues. But I am tired of being attacked on all side because of my choice. And I am very saddened that so many children have to suffer in this world because women are being brain washed to be selfish. I fell so blessed that my strong, talented and intelligent mother chose to be around for all of my emotional ups and downs instead of pursuing a career simply for her fulfillment.
I want to hear your input. Have any of you seen this show? If so, let me know what you think.

17 comments:

The Christensons said...

amen sista! yeah i saw the previews for it and i got the feeling that i didn't want to watch it for those same reasons, i think that it's TLC that is doing one on some highschool girls too. one of them is pregnant, one of them is this, one of them is that...kind of made me think we were "glorifying" teen pregnancy and the hard lives of "normal" teenage girls, oh gosh can we highlight some of the good girls? oh wait those don't get good ratings...

Lange Family said...

I think you are exactly right!Thanks for being honest. Kate, you are such a great mom I thought it was funny how you said sometimes you need a break... because it doesn't seem like that at all you always seem so calm and understanding. You are like superwoMOM!!

Mark and/or Lisa said...

i hadn't heard about that show yet, but that is sad. it seems like many women would be happy to be full time moms if society wasn't telling them it wasn't enough, or that it was a waste of brains and talent. they're made to feel they have to do it all to be esteemed or respected, which isn't fair since it pretty much forces them to fall short in both areas. i feel lucky to be able to stay at home with kam. i admire who you are as a mother, kate -- you are always so patient and present with your kids. it seems like you're always ready to take advantage of teaching opportunities as they come up, and it's obvious you work really hard at your job. the world needs more moms like you! ~lisa

kellymccaleb said...

oh my. i haven't seen the show but that makes me absolutely ill! you got it right, and what makes me even more sad is how many lds women are making the choice to work when they don't have to. i mean, they KNOW the importance of home and are still choosing to leave their children! what a stupid stupid show!

ps- so so so good to see what you guys are up to, and what cute kids you have!! doesn't it seem like we were all so young sitting on the institute couch just yesterday?

Beagle Buds said...

First, I love, love, love that picture of you and Ty! Second, I haven't seen the show, but based on your premise, I'm a sick as you are. I was discussing with a woman today about how much I love subbing because I can say "no" and be there for my kids. Later today, she came up to me and said thank you for making her feel validated for being a stay at home mom. I hadn't even set out to do that, but I guess she just isn't surrounded at all by people that value "just being a mom".

Maren said...

Hi Kate!

So glad you posted a comment on my blog.

Yes, I love the last name. Now Emily just needs to marry someone with a last name like Hallows and the circle will be complete. :)

Drop me a line at marenmadsen816 at yahoo and I'll let you know what I've been up to. I'm glad we reconnected!

-Maren

p.s. Love the blog - your kids are so cute!

Jenn Kirk said...

I saw the preview, but didn't know how sickening it actually is until I read your post. So sad--especially for the children who have to watch their mother choose between them or a career that will ultimately land them in a daycare.

In our particular situation, we are young and have very little so I do face the temptation to jump the "mother" ship and work for a glamourous ad agency. But a friend of mine said it well when she pointed out that we have the rest of our lives to make money, but only this small space of time to raise our children.

Paul, Sarah, Noah, and Gabe said...

I haven't heard of the show before, but that is totally wrong. I can't believe that someone like that would choose to be a mother and then want to go out and fulfill an outside career. I personally think that after the choice of bringing a child into this life it would be obvious about the choice that was made as far as a career. It is so sad to me that mothers think they have to work outside of the home so that they can live a more "expensive" life. I have thought about going back to doing hair just because I miss it, but then the thought of leaving my children makes me so sad and over rules any of those thoughts and I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I do get a lot of questions as to why I am not persuing it and just look at my kids and wonder why they would ever ask me that in the first place. I am on your side. I, too, have a strong opinion about Mothers leaving their children to be selfish. Yes, there are those certain circumstances, but just because she wants to is not one of them.

left coast jorgs said...

I totally agree. You hit the proverbial nail on the head. If those women can't see past their own selfishness, it is sooo sad for those kids and the husbands who thought that they were marrying someone to raise a family with. Talk about abandonment issues.....Love the blog. Brian is always telling us of the latest conversations with the kids. Gotta love it....Who would want to leave them in someone else's care anyway??? STAY AT HOME MOM'S ROCK:-} Jamie

momof2girls said...

I totally agree. I'm a SAHM and I was upset after seeing the show. That show attacks SAHMS when it should be doing just the opposite. I saw the episode with the mom being a chef. It was so sad. The restaurant owner treated her like crap. It's no wonder she didn't take the job. The one good thing was- it was obvious she loved her kids and wanted to be home with them. I don't think people realize how important our job is. Children are precious gifts from God and we need to take extremely good care of them.

anniebobannie said...

I feel the same way~!!!! When I first saw this show, the premise was "You don't have to be stuck at home! You get a second chance at having fufillment and an enriching life." I was so upset. My dream life is BEING A MOTHER!!! How many women want to stay home with thier kids and can't becasue of financial burdens!!! These women work outside the home for fulfillment! Fulfillment to me is seeing my baby learn new things, say funny things, even the yucky stuff like laundry and dishes!!! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TOOOOOO!!!!

April & Jacob Dean said...

I agree! These reality shows are getting way out of whack! We watched a show called "The moment of Truth" and this mormon guy was on and one of the questions was have you slept with one of your wives friends? He said yes, and everyone started clapping because on the lie detector test it was true! Isn't that awfull?!

Grandma Caroline said...

Well, I hadn't heard of that show either, but my blood pressure rises on a daily basis with all horrible innuendos thrown at women and particularly "stay at home moms". I'm so glad your mom stayed home with you girls, my grandkids benefit so much because you are a stay athome mom. Look how smart and well adjusted they are- even Ty! Imagine what he would be like if you didn't give him so much of your time? I love you Kate, for your strength which gives everyone in your family the strength they need to fight the world today! Love, mom

SLO Rober said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fleming Family said...

I watched the same episode you did, apparently. I was so appalled that the woman decided to go back to work. They even talked about what would happen to the children, and never gave us the conclusion they came to. It made me almost cry for those children. I, too, have a hard time feeling appreciated a lot of the time, but it's not about me!!! It's about my adorable little boys!!! Who else can raise them to be what I want them to be. Who else knows the desires of my heart. You know those little girls of that mother that decided to work instead of stay home had to go into day care for her to go back to work. She didn't have to go back to work, that's the thing! If she had to that's a different story, but she chose to just because she felt appreciated. Being a mommy is the most fulfilling, wonderful, stressful, time-consuming, rewarding, fun, happy (how many more adjectives can I find to explain motherhood?) thing I will ever be able to do in my life.
It's a shame that so many women feel that they have to be outside of the home to be fulfilled. And we wonder why our society is falling down hill so quickly. Another thing that drives me crazy are all the famous actresses having all the babies, yet not staying with the father and/or not being wed and/or not even mothering those babies (yay to the ones who do do those things). It's almost like babies have become and accessory!!! Sad, sad, sad!

SoCal Rogers said...

Hey Kate,
Even though I am not a mom yet, I found your blog to be very interesting and strangely applicable to my current life's questions. Growing up my mom stayed home until I was in first grade. Those years were the best memories of my childhood. After that she worked beyond full time and my father took on more of the traditional mom roll. He was the PTA Treasurer and Vice President for years, went to ever after school sports event to watch us compete, and would still call our school counselor a couple times a semester to see how were doing until we graduated from HS. I learned a lot from both parents, but I now feel confused on what I feel is right. I feel like I am the person I am because I was forced to be very independent growing up. I wonder about the opposite- what would I be like if my mother coddled me too much throughout life and prevented my growth as an individual. I mentioned the other day that I wanted to pursue my PhD right after I finish my MBA. Then I started thinking... what are the long-term commitments that I am making from my choices now? What are my ultimate goals and desires in life? Is it a great career or a great mother? Can you have both? I know that a lot of thought and prayer will help me answer my many questions, but I am very grateful for the timing of your blog and for all of the input of the other 'SAHM's.

PS.
You are an awesome mother that I admire and look up to as an example of the type of mother that I want to strive to be someday.

The White House said...

I remember a conversation we had a long time ago- before either of us had any kids. At the time I was of the mind set that I would be a stay at home mom until my children were in school- and THEN I would start my career. You said that it is when kids are in school, as they are growing up- especially these crazy times we live in- that they need a stay-at-home mom the most. I have never forgotten that. Now that I have children- they are my #1 priority and I can't think of ANYTHING more important or fulfilling than being with them. My mom was home with us until I was in 3rd grade. During those years she was PTA president, put together AMAZING talent shows, was my brownie leader, made our halloween costumes, hosted fun parties, and so much more. Those things make up some of my fondest childhood memories. I want all of that for my girls (and boys if any ever come to us).

I am so glad that I have intelligent, educated, talented, caring, creative friends(like you)who have chosen to use their gifts to bless the lives of their children and familes. We can all support and uplift one another in our roles as mothers- we have to. Thank you for sharing and getting us all thinking about this!